Monday, February 16, 2004
LMFAO!
personally i think its extremely funny how people put all your business out there BUT STILL HAVE NO PROOF that you are fake. i mean wtf so what that u found my yahoo group?!?!?! and? brandon has known for the longest that i USE TO MODEL which i dont anymore but he knew that. he also knows that the info that is on websites is no longer ACCURATE AND most of it never was to begin with it was all politics and what not but ok so u think u got me... however u dont. keep laughin it up putting business out there that I NEVER DENIED in the first place. and UMMMM i dont have the pw for my old screen name because i never had it to begin with my managers did. smh anyways yall proved nothing. enjoy.
Posted at 04:32 pm by dominiquelee
. its been awhile.
man its been a minute since ive blogged here. ya know people really make me laugh. they are soooo caught up in other people they dont know where to draw the line. man, i was on the phone with my wife kris the other night and i was tellin her how much i liked the forum i be on cuz theres no drama and people keep it real on there and then today i get told ONCE AGAIN that not only one but three people on the forum think im fake. why cuz im pretty? yall got some issues for real. so i get told ONCE AGAIN to take a "fan sign" yo for what? every pic ive ever taken where im holding a sign has been shitted on.. "oh i got that font" and " shes still fake" wtf..get a life yo. im done with the bs. if u can pm me and say " i think your fake, can u prove otherwise" then we can talk, but u sending messages through another person is played out. dont insult me with your behind my back comments. i bet your one of the first to give me props on that damn forum too...f*ckin fake ass people. i know who yall are too, she aint have to tell me neither i already know. anyways tho ...on to better things i found some pics so i decided to post em...enjoy.
Posted at 10:05 am by dominiquelee
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
.improvement?.
so last night i was really frustrated. i guess when u look at people as friends, u tend to disappoint yourself. I've finally realized that I need to be ok being alone. I mean yes, I love people. I go to school Monday and Wedsndays and everyone is like "what up dom" " how you doin dom" and i always smile and say hi. sit laugh and joke a minute and then keep it pushin. i think that its best that way. when i first got out to cali, i was gettin to know everyone. which was a big mistake. all them people is too much drama. ive finally found my ground point and imma stick to it. i wish i would have found it sooner but hey, it is what it is. life is so short. im 22 and im grown. i have bills, school, work and responsibility. i need to act like it. double major? i think so. Masters for Business and Bachelors for Visual Communications. want to stop me? ----> no way! im focussed man. its 2004. dominique lets get it crackin (cali terms)!! 
Posted at 04:57 pm by dominiquelee
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
.breath.
my mother keeps telling me that no one can make me feel any thing i dont want to feel. that in her words " no one can make you feel anything unless u let them" blah. why do you have to be right all the dang time! thats not becoming of you. haha. no seriously shes right. sometimes i really let mess get to me. why, i dont know. i use to not be like this. but with all the situations ive gone through the past couple years, ive really changed into a different person. one that i am not happy with at all. im way to sensitive, im way to shy (when im in front of people) im way too whiny and i assume to much (shut up bighead). see its weird. most subjects im very passive. but then there are subjects that really get to me. why? i really dont know why. i hate being compared to typical females but right now i dont blame anyone for comparing me. lately ive been actin like a typical everything which im really not. its funny how people around u can have u changing your whole mentality. maybe i need to go home already and be with my father and brothers. i use to think and act like i had sense. but lately.... man i need to do some soul searching and quick.
Posted at 05:46 pm by dominiquelee
Monday, January 26, 2004
.sigh.
man i hate this class. i dont even use excel nor do i plan on using it when i graduate for a BA in visual communications. damn them all! so i was chillin today at school. it was aite. played some pool and beat some ass's! my homie ben was like " yo im a pool shark shorty" so i said come on then and i beat him so bad. it was horrible. his boys were there. then i was in the mac lab and i got this IM from my ex.... i really wish he didnt act the way he acted. i know inside hes a better person than he lets people see. but his attitude is disgusting. why hit me up to tell me how much u hate me? does it make you feel better? i mean damn. everytime u hit me up, u make me feel so bad. i start to remember everything all over again. all the times u made me cry. all the females u had on the side. smh @ me sittin here remembering everything about the last couple months of our relationship. yo, for real, you did me so dirty it was ridiculous. im ashamed that u played me the way u did. ugh i really dislike you for hittin me up. please just leave me alone. i dont need you or your bullshit no more. LEAVE ME ALONE! p.s why do i even talk to
kamil why do i even bother..everytime i try to hold somewhat of a conversation u never finish it. i give up. leave me alone too. when i need to talk ur never there. thats that one sided bullshit i was talking about. 1ne
Posted at 07:56 pm by dominiquelee
Sunday, January 25, 2004
.crush.
i am past the infatuation
fascination
with the half tucked
charm
and manifestation
of things that are not really
real
except for the fear
in disguise.
oh how i idealized
those ideal eyes
that could hardly look me
straight in the face,
and the time that went to waste
loving the loveless
lovelessly;
when i thought he and we
could be
more than what
we were really,
all the time we were
less than that
singly.
now i see him
naked, alone
minus the fantasy
that faded to none
he's somewhere far
from where he used to be
but still in the same place
still far from he;
and i watch and i wonder
with extinguished desires
wanting to touch and love
with honest eyes
reality is born
when the cloudiness dies
hoping one day he will
finally fly.
Posted at 04:56 pm by dominiquelee
.priceless.
massmind
collectivity
clones... drones
denial of the Self
as a great being
(i hear applause!?!)
SELFISH---of the SELF
how is that wrong?
when the community is the basis
of 'Lyfe support'
what happens when the community dies?
does the self die also? (hehe)
No... unless that is what you
really believe
why is it better to React
and not to Think?
why is Ignorance the choice
of Sedative?
Human Life has lost its value
the Mind is washed away
in Collectivist bleach
all this foolishness
is the everyday thang...
who wants to transcend...xL?
who has the Courage to rise above Mediocrity?
going once...
going twice...
and we end without a sale...
gRr.........................
____________
dont understimate the value of Life/Self/Mind...
priceless-------
Posted at 04:55 pm by dominiquelee
.love is.
Love is...
a one way street
if at one point
the two happen to meet
they are twice blessed...
Posted at 04:54 pm by dominiquelee
. my philosophy.
When I was growing up I felt like I was alone in this world. I felt as thought I was one of the very few who was suffering from the pains and troubles of life. As I started to relate better with others, I realized that I was not the only one going through issues. Everyone has their struggles. The specific problems may vary from person to person, but it's basically all the same.
Everyone has the capacity to live life to its fullest. By expanding one's self awareness, one can increase that capacity by fully understanding and accepting what exactly we need to deal with in life - responsibility and freedom. In accepting these two things, the confusion of life will be clearer. Life is finite; death is inevitable. This obviously means that we only have a limited time to be able to do the things we need or want to do. Every moment is crucial and should be spent doing the things one values. One has the ultimate power of choosing to act, or not to act, knowing that inaction is also a decision. The ability and power to choose one's own actions means that one has the power to create their own destiny. And, the sense of responsibility of one's own actions also comes with the responsibility for the consequences of those actions, whether they are favorable or not. This whole concept of total responsibility is a very difficult thing to accept for everyone, including me. It is a scary thing to know that one is in full control one one's life. Another thing that must be understood from all this is that we are basically alone. Although we have the capacity and opportunity to relate to others, we are alone in this world. One has the capacity to do anything and be the author of their own lives. Meaning and knowledge will never be given to us. It is up to the individual to seek, discover, learn, and also be aware of the many choices and alternative he has the ability to decide on.
All of this may see great theoretically, but I know that this is the way humans should operate. Life is very painful, but then what? There are many things we do that protect us from the truth about how things really are. Although I have said that one has the freedom to make choices, some may argue that circumstances limit their actions. Although we are not free from conditions, we still have the power to stand against those conditions; there are always other choices and alternatives. If I take a look at the "alcoholic" who says that they can't help it because is it hereditary, I don't buy the story because I know that every time there is a drink in front of him, he always has the options of picking up the glass, or not picking it up. Only he can make that decision, not anyone else, and not anyone he "inherited" the drinking "problem" from. It is unnecessary to keep yourself tortured by past decisions or events because they are done and cannot be changed. However, there is always the capacity and opportunity to make new decisions and change the way you view those past events. In my opinion, guilt should not exist. When I make a decision I know that I am totally responsible for that decision and the consequences. I know the reasons why I choose to make a right decision. In knowing all of this, there should be no need to feel guilt. I have made difficult decisions in serious situations that brought about great anxiety. I have no regrets or guilt over those decisions because I accept the responsibility of the decisions and their consequences. I know the reasons behind those decisions and I know that I am right. Guilt doesn’t usually come from a decision, but instead from not making a decision. The "could’ve should’ve would’ve" part of not making a decision is what makes us feel guilt. It comes from abandoning one's capacity to make decisions or not being concrete and sure bout the reasons behind a decision. I could easily say that I felt foolish or weak for not making a decision at a certain situation, but not feel foolish of weak for making a decision I knew was right, regardless of the outcome of the decision.
As I stated before, man is alone. One is always in constant struggle to find or create one's personal identity. Though one has the ability to connect with others, one has to be able to trust oneself for answers to one's own conflicts. Knowing that one is ultimately alone and accepting that fact is very difficult. Instead of accepting and dealing with it, many chose to lose sight of that and depend on others instead of the self. Eventually they become what others expect them to be and become so involved in others' expectations that they lose sight of who they really are. Some people get so involved in doing that they stop being. In grade school and earlier years of high school I followed the direction and expectations of my parents. I brought them the grades that made them happy and I did the things they wanted me to do. Needless to say, regardless of my accomplishments I was not as ecstatic as they were, and though it seemed as though I should be content with my accomplishments and my parents' satisfaction, I wasn't. It was only until the later years of high school when I started to do things for myself that I felt enjoyment and contentment in what I was doing and accomplishing. One cannot depend on others for living and making decisions to feel better about oneself. One stands alone to make sense of one's own life and then unique meaning it holds for that individual. One must have a solid relationship with oneself before having a solid genuine relationship with another. One must be able to stand alone before standing beside another. Relationships are built out of strength, not weakness. Many look towards others for approval, security, the need to feel important to somebody, or the need for somebody to be important to them. Fulfillment of all these things should be found within oneself. Relationships should not be about deprivation parasitism, but fulfillment and mutual admiration.
All these issues are things that everyone deals with, whether they choose to acknowledge them or not. I am not saying that I am perfect, and always make the correct decision, and follow everything I have written about without flaw or weakness. These are the things that I am struggling with in regards to how I try to live my life. I feel anxiety and frustration over the things in life that I wrestle with. I feel alone in my battles. Life is not easy, but I know I will get through, and I will walk out with my chin up.
Bottom line...
One is alone
Death is inevitable
Life is finite
One has freedom
One has responsibility
One will feel anxiety, frustration, and loneliness
One is unique
One has the capacity to live a fulfilling life
Posted at 04:53 pm by dominiquelee
.me is me and we is me and she.
... all my life. confused. mixed races. unknown faces. bitter-sweet misery. i am me and she is we. what do i mean? let me tell you. theres two of i. the one you all want me to be. the one that is the real unique me. which do i perfer? both. i cant let go of one without the other. i am two in one. non-sympathetic. shes the one you all want me to be. the bad angel. the hearts angle. then theres who i see is me. femme.fatale. shes the good devil. she has that mental level. totally insane. completely in aim. so my point? i tried to be one or the other. my whole life struggling. two find the one i want to be. but she is me. and we are she. see i can find the balance between the two. and i refuse to let it be used. i will be who i want to be. and thats me, her and we. this is non-sympathetic (the bad angel) the one im expected to be....
this is femme.fatale (the good devil) the one that i favor..people dont accept me ...
Posted at 04:13 pm by dominiquelee
