Sunday, January 25, 2004
.me is me and we is me and she.
... all my life. confused. mixed races. unknown faces. bitter-sweet misery. i am me and she is we. what do i mean? let me tell you. theres two of i. the one you all want me to be. the one that is the real unique me. which do i perfer? both. i cant let go of one without the other. i am two in one. non-sympathetic. shes the one you all want me to be. the bad angel. the hearts angle. then theres who i see is me. femme.fatale. shes the good devil. she has that mental level. totally insane. completely in aim. so my point? i tried to be one or the other. my whole life struggling. two find the one i want to be. but she is me. and we are she. see i can find the balance between the two. and i refuse to let it be used. i will be who i want to be. and thats me, her and we. this is non-sympathetic (the bad angel) the one im expected to be....
this is femme.fatale (the good devil) the one that i favor..people dont accept me ...
Posted at 04:13 pm by dominiquelee
.man:child.
Luv Affair
with the mAn:chiLd
and I
MiZ:identify
the right things
in the wrong ones
sometimes...
he is just like I
but not quite me
I see
innocence
struggle
the free spirit
and possibility
to be-
me and he
I push you
and you push me too
and we'll see eachother
at the top...
if I set the terms
will you stay
or fade away...
maybe the latter
because we're not on
the same page
you and
I
MiZ:identify.
when kisses have fear
nothing is earned
at arms distance
nothing is learned
a touch is never enough
i need a connection
that connection
we speak the same language
but these walls are deafening
I give you
what They can't taste--
because
it's Mine.
drink my wiNe--
the chalice...
chaste--
touching
your lips
aLone
I forgot to say
that I wanted more
than just a whore
I see what you are
and could be-
I forgot to say that
I wanted you
to let me in
to let you in...
kNock on my open door
beautiful mAn:chiLd
will come my way again
next time-
never a random breeze
just passing by
you are my breath-
stay
for more than
a sigh
wHy are U here...
:: cLarify
Posted at 04:03 pm by dominiquelee
Friday, January 23, 2004
.idiots.
its so sad..thats your life... smh @ people. i swear people never tend to amaze me. when it seems like no one else can surprise BAM! there it is...surprise surprise... its the haters mostly. every now and then a follower. can we just be leaders and leave the bullshit behind. i hope so. for everyones sake. thanks.
Posted at 05:00 pm by dominiquelee
.something i would like to live by.
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare
to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine your own: if you can dance with the wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the finger and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint others to be true to yourself: if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can be faithful,
and therefore be trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see the beauty even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your life from Its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure,
yours and mine, and still stand on the edge
of the lake and shout to the silver
of the full moon, "Yes!"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live,
or how much money you have. I want to know
if you can get up after the night of grief and
despair, weary and bruised to the bone,
and do what needs to be done for the children.
It doesn't interest me who you are,
or how you came to be here,
I want to know if you will stand in
the center of the fire with me and not
shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or
with whom you have studied. I want to know
what sustains you from the inside when
all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments…
Posted at 11:44 am by dominiquelee
.mind affair.
feelin sexy... its overrated, however thats how u made me feel. last nite. on the phone. stomach tied in knots. why? i dont know. its not suppose to be. but it is what it is. close my eyes. feel your breath on my neck. your hands around my face. our lips touchin and playin with each other. bitin your lower lip as ur deep inside me. my head tilting back gently. my nails grab your waist. jesus christ this has to be wrong. i open my eyes. your voice so becoming. could listen to u for hours. in fact i guess i did. u ask questions. all that i want to answer, but scared. of course. i barely know you. yet it seems like more. could it be? is it? i know you feel it. should we look away? act as if it isnt so. maybe. maybe not. whats a little here and there? maybe alot. maybe not. i close my eyes. my legs on each side of your waist. bending down to run my tongue over your lips, as my lower body moves over yours. my god i can feel u. but your not here. i open my eyes.
Posted at 10:24 am by dominiquelee
Thursday, January 22, 2004
.blah.
-had somewhat of a long day today... seemingly... had a long night before me and an early day ahead of that...
-stressin hard... over things i have no control over... watchin someone else tailspinnin... feeling helpless...
-and hurting while i watch...
-but still keeping in mind that there is a difference between pain and weakness... and weakness is unacceptable...
-so how do i luv?
-made the decision to engage in other peoples' evils for the sake of understanding someone i care deeply about... and i learned way more than i expected to... it almost made me sick to see how easily one could sell their soul to a chemical romance where luv is truly blind...
-my controlfreakishness has been shushed and sent to the corner to sulk... life has taken some strange twists and turns... it totally blows my mind...
-nobody ever said it was easy... nor did i expect it to be...
-ohyeah... finally found that microwave japanese rice ive been lookin for since bout... 1998... found it in bergen county area... those northern jersey folks have it so good... =X
Posted at 10:18 am by dominiquelee
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
.ramblings.
im in class. blah. i was just talkin to kam. smh @ that conversation. and i can type freely about this since i know the boy dont check my damn blog. but yeah so back to this conversation. personally, i feel that him and i have a lot in common. mostly the fact that we have both been fucked over alot. not just relationships but in general. i mean for real, when i was with my first boyfriend. i found out at the end that ALL THE HOMIES fucked him while we was together. i mean damn. my life long girlfriends was gettin the dick more than me. thats horrible. well garbage to be exact. the my second man, basically did the same but he was a lot more sloppy at it, and he fucked me over with random chics. one girl in particular sticks in my mind (yumyum) stupid wanna be me bitch. yo i swear people kill me. and i know im gettin off track so let me get back on... so this convo, basically i guess the way i made it seem was that i wanted him to just trust me. but what i was really tryna say is pretty simple. we arent friends. we arent anything. i cant call him late at night if i dont feel good. or go to his house if im sad and need some attention. we arent anything. so why use that term "friends" i dont kno him and he doesnt kno me. the problem, is that he isnt giving me an opportunity. "why cant u just let things happen as they happen" nothin is gonna happen cuz u dont give me room or yourself room to just let it happen. i call u. we talk maybe 10 mins. then its silent. "what are you doin" i ask. " nothin playin this game" he responds. " riiight" i say. " let me call u back" he says. we hang up. end of convo. friends? riiiiiiiiight. maybe its just me. who knows. ..p.s i miss u j0ka
Posted at 07:13 pm by dominiquelee
.smh@haters.
ok i guess i figured that by now (several years later) that the hating would stop... i mean in high school ALL THE GIRLS hated on me. not that i cared, my parents taught me that females were to catty and coniving (however u spell that) so i stayed far from them. in high school, i got into fights all the time. suspended ALWAYS. wasnt my fault, someone was always tryna pull my hair or push me into lockers. the rumors and all that never bothered me. none of them bitches could say shit to my face anyways. but i mean jesus christ we're outta high school already GROW THE FUCK UP. so u playin internet thug now? give it a rest. i know this net can not be your life? but its all good.... imma let u live... all of you who got something to say my email address is dangerouslydominique@hotmail.com hit me up. otherwise DONT SAY SHIT ABOUT ME! didnt ur parents teach u anything? MOVING RIGHT ALONG...last nite i watched AMERICAN TOP MODEL man o man them chics is evil lol camille is doin her thing tho, although they are right about her ...shes two faced. like most chics. lets see. i really want Janacia to win. why? well us short people gotta live too ya know! YAY for the migets! (shut up troy) lol... but yeah watched that and then watched THE PRACTICE. that show gets me everytime! sharon stone is a fool in her role right now. i dunno shes funny tho. my best friend aka Scoopa.... wanted me to write out her name ... um why? i dont really know but here ya go ma ... S C O O P A haha ur a fool for that one! then i talked to my baby. we was goin through some ish but its all good now. haters cant stop us. i can tell right now this is gonna be fun! haters can suck a d!ck cuz this chic dont play that shit.
Posted at 11:17 am by dominiquelee
Monday, January 19, 2004
.yay.
ok so im really excited. problem is.. i dont know why HAHA im a dork yes. well its funny. see i am who i am but people dont seem to notice that there is two sides to me. the person i am and the person i am for "them" dont try to understand it, just let it be. but movin on.. im tired of everyone around me being so damn depressed and upset. my babygirl keke might have cancer..ugh thats so sad. shes so sweet and the worst thing is that she isnt close with her mother and she will have to move back there to be taken care of by her. damn them all! my best friend is ALSO in the hospital. man so i visit them both. its depressing, i mean what do u say with something like that? i just bring flowers and games for them both. ok so next subject... ok so i really liked and cared about this guy rite. he seemed mad cool. not like any other guy ive ever known... but then when my life turned upside down, he bailed. now, after about a month maybe, he hits me up to see how i am doing. i mean for what? yo he wasnt there when i really needed him, why the fuck would i need him now? he really hurt me. i trusted him. talkin about girls always do him wrong. fuck outta here with that shit. im a good person, i dont deserve to be shitted on, especially by someone i looked to the most. its alrite tho, its my fault for lettin him in .. so then he asks me.. why dont u use your other names on aim? which he mentioned a name that i havent used in years which makes me think of his real motive for hittin me up. im not stupid yo. get outta here with that. u cant play me. and on another note.... LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT is REAL AS FUCK!
Posted at 10:30 am by dominiquelee
Sunday, January 18, 2004
.OMG.
omg you frustrate me so much! why wont you let me help you yo ! u kno why there is silence on the phone? cuz u got mad shit on ya mind but wont speak on it. i dont understand you, yet i want to so fuckin bad it bothers the hell outta me. how do u expect to get past anything if u keep it all bottled up inside? atleast tell me u talk to someone about this... anyone really. why cant u see my intentions? i kno u dont really kno me that well...but u arent even trying. i get a dead fuckin end every time. -throws hands up- UGH @ you yo. damn you!
Posted at 06:26 am by dominiquelee
